Speaking in Vienna to a group of bureaucrats with a collective carbon footprint so large you could sell burro rides into its vast depths, Secretary of State John Kerry warned of the rise of radical air conditioning:
As we were working together on the challenge of [ISIS] and terrorism, It’s hard for some people to grasp it, but what we–you–are doing here right now is of equal importance because it has the ability to literally save life on the planet itself. The use of hydrofluorocarbons is unfortunately growing. Already, the HFCs use in refrigerators, air conditioners, and other items are emitting an entire gigaton of carbon dioxide-equivalent pollution into the atmosphere annually.
Kerry went on to say that the use of air conditioners and refrigerators has been on the rise throughout the world for the past three decades. And it turns out he’s right. As free markets have paved the way for fossil-fuel-based cheap energy in developing countries, the people of those countries have been able to escape harsh weather and preserve their food longer. This has led to a rise in overall health. It has also made the quotidian survival burden lighter, allowing many to focus on business and education, which has led to innovation––innovation which has led to a cleaner environment and still cheaper energy.
It’s a vicious cycle, and it must be stopped.
Here in the US, the major concern is over radical air conditioning sleeper cells. Just last year in Garryowen, Montana, a local baseball coach and his wife found themselves in an intense firefight after catching their air conditioner in the act of beheading a journalist.
Many concerned citizens are signing this petition, in the hope that Secretary Kerry will lead the way by ridding the State Department of all air conditioning units.